What have I lost? Recently as I was approaching TSA at the airport I realized I had my switchblade on me, a gift from my dad when I first moved to the city with a butterfly engraved on it. Sentimental value. I threw it in the garbage on an impulse. A five dollar bill that was in a pair of pants that I washed and was never recovered.
You should know that I still look at craigslist missed connections while I ride the train, and I still type my dreams into the notes app when I can remember them. It’s important to do your little things that nobody knows about. It’s also important to light a candle in the evening and to try and not to be too obsessed with desire.
NOT SO FAQ
My name is Blythe. I have a cat named Fredrick. I’m from the southern states. I do appreciate manners. I say thank you. I always push my chair in when I get up from the table. I only use wire headphones and I do not own a TV. It bothers me when the sunlight shows off the dust in my apartment. I love Summer Heights High. I’ve watched all six seasons of Sex and the City (plus both movies) at lease 10 times through. I love Pomelo fruit. I am an only child. I am not religious.
To Do:
Pet Fredrick
Write a 3-6 line poem
Buy Marlboro Silvers
Tell my dad I put money in my IRA even though I didn’t
Smoke cigarette in a beam of sunshine
Pick up dry cleaning
Kiss boyfriend who is watching me write this list
My stomach used to ache from waking up too early, on the way to school, falling back asleep to 80s pop in the old silver 4Runner.
When I moved to New York Stevie and I used to spend Sunday nights at a club downtown and we danced into the morning to the eighties music inside the dirty club. Floors wet and no windows. It reeked like sweat and spilt tequila. The people felt lonely. Only when I’d close my eyes it turned into the fantasy. Teased hair, cocaine, fashion. A new way of thinking. Everything superficial.
You and I watched the Gianni Versace Assassination story and my favorite thing about it was the soundtrack.
Things are always changing. Nothing really stays exactly the same. I imagine that nobody feels things as compellingly and profoundly as a young girl does. I couldn’t wait to grow up. I wanted to paint my nails and read a magazine while I did it. Have a job and drive a car. Have a lover and a cellphone to call him with. I couldn’t wait to have straight teeth and wear a bra and shave my legs. Sit outside and smoke cigarettes with my friends. You believe that one day the things you don’t understand will naturally make sense to you. There’s so much I don’t understand and maybe there are things I don’t want to know. It was just yesterday that I learned how a USPS collection box works. I used to wonder why the sun was following me in the car. No matter how fast we were driving we could never pass it. One time I was completely shocked that when I woke up on my birthday I wasn’t any taller than I was the night before.
Your shoulders are rounded and your bad posture is sweet
Brown hair is always lightened by the sun and
Stuck to your cheap lipgloss
Shoelaces tattered and
When all the school girls screamed you screamed the softest